Thursday, December 29, 2011

Fat Me Haunted By The Skinny Me


For those of you who don’t know me I am in the battle for my life. I have several things going on with my body degenerative disk disease, arthritis in my spine, herniated disks, and nerve damage in my legs, I am plagued by pain twenty-four hours a day; due to all these issues I've been on all kinds of different medications so many in fact I won’t list them all, in part because of these medications and in part because of lack of mobility because of pain I gained nearly 100 pounds yes, I know, that’s a lot of weight!

For the past year I have tried desperately to lose weight I take my pain medication and take my butt to the gym and ride the bike for miles, I do the treadmill for as long as I can because even though I take my pain pills I’m still in serious pain, I even started doing Yoga which to my surprise I love! Yoga doesn't cause me much pain but sadly the weight loss effect of Yoga is slow very slow but that is ok because the mental benefit of Yoga is worth it. Working out is great I enjoy the feeling I get from a good work out but I’m not losing weight I think probably because I can’t keep a good stride with working out just when things are going good I get pneumonia or have a new pinched nerve, it seems it is always something interrupting my stride.

Why am I sharing this with you, you may ask well, that dork friend of mine Jeremy Crow asked me to write for his blog and frankly I think it will be good for me to let out some of this bottled up anger I have because I’m no longer the person I used to be.

Maybe if I share my struggle it will help give me strength and support to shed these pounds I've gained and rid myself of all this anger I have built up inside of me.

Who is this “Fat Girl” when did I become her? How did this happen? Four years prior to my health issues starting I had lost 100lbs I am someone who has battled my weight my whole life when I finally dropped the weight I was happy with myself, I was finally the person I was meant to be. Then before I knew what hit me I was seeing all kinds of doctors, on all kinds of medicines, and I was no longer active the things that I once took for granted were suddenly a struggle for me such as getting out of bed, walking, doing dishes, and doing laundry these things are so painful for me. Then the weight just started creeping up on me but honestly when someone is getting no exercise and on medicines that cause weight gain I can’t really expect that I wouldn't gain weight but it doesn’t mean I have to like it or accept it!

Many people believe that all overweight people choose to be overweight they don’t stop to think that there may be other factors at work. People don’t always consider that there may be medical issues causing the weight gain and that is sad in my opinion, it just goes to show how quick people are to judge other people. I don’t choose to be overweight I've been kidnapped by fat!!
I HATE the person I have become and I feel like I’m trapped because as I stated above I work out but are not getting results. My legs are super toned in fact they are hard as a rock solid muscle but I want weight loss, I want to fit in my old clothes, I want to be cute again! I want to be that girl that steps in the club and heads turn yes, I was that girl and she is in here somewhere and I plan on finding her again because she has a lot of living left to do.